What happens when people open their hearts? They get bigger or get broken
I was in a long distance relationship with a girl and she used to occupy most of my everyday thoughts. I used to link everything to anything that remotely connected to what she had shared with me via whatsapp. Every song lyric somehow reminded me of her. See anything remotely associated to things about her; like her like for ice creams, it would remind me of her. I use to reply to her messages within seconds. I was the first person to initiate the conversation when we ran out of topics. I was always free and willing to chat even if I had tests. I even chatted with her right under the manager’s nose risking his wrath.
DP ulta daala and status : Coz u turn my world upside down.
Willing to pause fifa in between, willing 2 shave beard for her. Against my bro code :p
Saved her town’s weather status to check on her. She didn’t give a damn. There was hint of her finding it irritating. Hence, removed it.
Willing to choose a less prestigious college just so that I could stay in the same city as her.
She was like a phone charger. Needed her constantly and couldn’t forget her. But funnily, I need the charger so much coz I constantly want to be in touch with her.
It was awful to lose her. I cried and went into depression for a while. It was like when a dog carries away a shoe to a far off place. It might as well have carried both the shoes in pairs. The other shoe was of no use without the other. It felt worse. I tried a lot to patch up things, she just did not appreciate all I did for her. But, I take pride and happiness in the things I tried doing for her. I do not see it as a pain. It felt good to be there for her. Even if it pained me, I had to stop doing things for her since I felt that she started finding such things obstrusive to her life. She never disclosed much about her feelings and spoke little, but used to burst out suddenly sometimes. This was the worst I had to deal with. This used to really keep me confused.
Tried so hard 2 patch up. Sometimes bhut gussa ataa hai, ki I did so much for her. But I have only myself to blame for not being worthy of her.
Initially I was extemely rational, level headed person with liberal outlook. Like a clock – ticking alone with no purpose. I believed that obsession is bad for relationship. I liked my space. Logical and open minded. I hated the need for people to know minute details of others life. I did not believe seriously in committed relationships (not that I was ever in one). But I changed after falling for her. I became emotional and craved for her attention. I started appreciating emotions. I started seeing emotional scenes in movies, books in whole new light. I felt them. I felt alive. I realized that love was something more than physical. I felt the need to constantly be part of her life. I opened up myself for her. Truely and deeply. Told her my weaknesses, faults. I used to anxiously wait for her texts, especially if she was online (which used to end up as disappointment most of the times). Sometimes life demands you take irrational decisions.
I will always love her. No matter what. Even after she used me, I only wish her happiness in life. I always used 2 tell “Ill always be there for u. Ill care for you, you can txt me anytime you need”, without getting any of the same from her.
But one thing I didn’t feel was regret. With time, my happiness returned and normalcy took control again. Today I remember those times when I had become weak and desperate. But I don’t regret trying so much. She embodied the great perhaps. And I only had myself to hate for not being worthy of her attention. After falling for her, I started appreciating the goodness inside me. I started taking better care of my body and health. I used to ignore this before.
Whenever someone asks me “Were all those efforts worth it?”. I just nod and say “Yes!” If I had to go back in time and take a decision, I would do the same thing again.
It’s not about skipping to the end of the story, it is about revelation. To know what we do not know. Journey matters more than the destination. Sadness helps you grow strong and introspect. People aren’t bad. They just can’t see the goodness in you. You give and give until you have nothing to give. That’s part of happiness. ‘Coz happiness real only when shared’, right? But the sad part is if the receiver doesn’t value it. Well, but love isn’t a commodity that you look for a return.